Recently I have struggled to find the joy in life. I feel like I have been just going through the motions of Get up. Work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. I have been feeling so tired that even when I’m not working I can’t find the enthusiasm for the things I usually enjoy.
Some of this is due to work pressures and some will be a result of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have lost my Instagram mojo (and been subjected to a little bit of trolling). TV doesn’t hold my attention and I can’t concentrate enough to read a book or a magazine. I am falling asleep every night before 10pm.
I feel lethargic and out of shape. I need to get back to the gym but I still have some bruising left from my ankle injury and part of me is a little scared in case it hasn’t healed properly.
I sound like a right moaning Minnie and I know I should just snap out of it but it’s not always that easy to do. I try not to project these feelings onto others so at work I smile and keep myself busy (which is not hard to do) and the rest of the time I hide away from the world.
On top of all this I’m also feeling old and frumpy. Today I am 47. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to my birthday this year. I am just not in the mood for celebrating.
My poor husband bares the brunt of all this. But he doesn’t complain and in fact he goes out of the way to look after me and make me feel special. I don’t always appreciate what he does for me. He was away on business this week. Which doesn’t happen very often. I really missed him. Not just because he picks me up from work or does the washing and puts the bins but for all those little things he does so I don’t have to do too much after a long day at work. I realised how much I take him for granted.
But the extent of his love doesn’t stop there. He goes that extra mile for my birthday. My husband certainly does not have the funds to compete with the Insta-husbands of some people I follow. He can’t afford to buy me designer handbags and shoes, diamonds or £300 Bella Freud jumpers. And that’s fine with me. The presents he buys me are special because they require a lot of thought. They show how much he listens and has paid attention to conversations we have had.
He took me away last weekend for a night in a hotel just at because he knew I needed to relax and switch off.
He bought me rhe journal that I was talking about after reading an article in a magazine.
A beauty box subscription that I had mentioned six months ago because he knows I don’t have the disposable income to buy luxury toiletries any more.
A budget replacement for my old Fitbit after it broke last month and I was devastated that I could not track my steps and sleep anymore.
And a card that made me cry because he said he appreciated me.
Today we are not doing anything extravagant. We are spending the day together doing things I enjoy. My husband took me out for a full English breakfast this morning and he bought my favourite cream cake to have with a cup of tea this afternoon. Tonight we will walk to our local pub and sit and chat over a few beers.
I may not have much in monetary terms but I have all the things that money just can’t buy.
My husband is my Ruby in the Rubble ❤️
Love Melanie xxxx